Making Peace With Your Past: What Your Younger Self Needs to Hear Now

“You did what you had to do with the tools you had. Now, you’re older, wiser, and more aware — but still human”

The Secrets We Carry

There are some things we just don’t talk about — not at brunch, not in therapy (yet), and definitely not on social media.

The abortion.

The affair.

The secret addiction.

The things we let happen to our bodies when we were too afraid to say no.

The money we blew chasing happiness.

The way we mothered out of fear or didn’t mother at all.

The betrayal.

The regret.

The silence.

These are the truths we stuff down in the name of survival. We cover them with titles, degrees, full calendars, lipstick, designer bags, and busy schedules. But make no mistake: unhealed pain doesn’t just disappear — it just learns to wear better clothes.

Research confirms this: unresolved trauma can manifest in our adult lives as addiction, perfectionism, anxiety, and chronic illness. A study published in The Permanente Journal on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) found that childhood trauma is directly linked to poor health outcomes and maladaptive coping behaviors in adulthood (Felitti et al., 1998). Translation? Those "bad habits" you can't shake? They may have roots far deeper than discipline.

So many of us, especially as women over 45, carry the emotional weight of decades gone by.

And that weight shows up in every part of our lives: our relationships, our bodies, our confidence, our choices.

But here's the truth: you don’t need to carry it forever.

When Survival Becomes Sabotage

Let’s tell the truth, sis.

That “if it feels good, it must be good” mindset was a trap dressed up as freedom. That wild shopping habit wasn’t about abundance — it was about control.

That sex wasn’t always about desire — sometimes it was about validation.

That food wasn’t always nourishment — it was comfort. Or punishment. Or both. That “strong Black woman” mask?

It was covering a soft, scared little girl who didn’t know she could ask for help.

We learned to survive. But what once saved us… now sabotages us.

Here’s what the science says: our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. When we experience trauma or unprocessed emotions, the brain will instinctively seek out ways to soothe itself — often through short-term fixes like food, shopping, or sex. Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert on trauma and addiction, states:

“Addiction is not about substances, it’s about pain. It’s about the attempt to escape suffering.”

We coped the best way we knew how. But what happens when you start waking up — and realize none of it ever actually worked?

What happens when you’ve eaten, spent, swiped, sexed, or smoked your way into deeper disconnection?

You hit that moment…

The Sacred Breaking: When You Say “Enough”

There’s a moment in every woman’s life when the mask cracks.

It might be a panic attack at work.

A silent cry on the bathroom floor.

A conversation with your child that makes you see your own wounds reflected in their eyes.

Or simply a moment of stillness so raw that you whisper:

“I can’t keep doing this.”

That’s not weakness. That’s awakening.

You begin to realize that numbing the pain doesn’t heal the pain. And if you don’t change something — your patterns will keep recycling through new jobs, new relationships, new diets, new distractions.

This is your sacred breaking. Not a breakdown — a breakthrough.

You start asking different questions:

• “Why am I really triggered?”

• “What am I trying to escape?”

• “Who taught me that I had to earn love?”

  
  

And that right there? That’s the start of healing.

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, learning to treat ourselves with kindness during emotional pain is a game-changer. Her studies show that self-compassion leads to less anxiety, greater emotional resilience, and better motivation long-term — without the harshness of self-criticism (Neff, 2003).

When you say, “Enough,” you’re not giving up — you’re finally coming home to yourself.

The Healing Path: From Pain to Power

Now here’s where the real work begins — and where most of us get lost.

Healing isn’t a spa day or a Pinterest quote. It’s messy. It’s inconvenient. It’s facing the version of you that you abandoned — and choosing to love her back to life.

But you don’t have to do it alone.

Let me tell you what healing can look like when you're ready to truly rise:

1. Therapy

Not just talking, but trauma-informed healing that helps you process the “why” beneath the behavior.

2. Coaching

A powerful container to challenge beliefs, set boundaries, and build a new identity with accountability and strategy.

3. Spiritual Practice

Meditation. Prayer. Journaling. Breathwork. Anything that connects you to something greater than your pain — and brings you back to your body.

4. Journaling + Reflection

Writing out the stories you’ve been too afraid to say out loud helps you see patterns and begin the process of reframing them.

5. Community

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. You need spaces where your story is held, not judged.

And let’s be clear — this isn’t a 30-day cleanse.

This is a lifestyle shift.

But what’s waiting on the other side?

Freedom. Clarity. Power. Softness. Joy.

And you deserve all of it.

A Letter to the Girl You Once Were

Dear Younger, Me,

You were never broken. Just tired. Just scared. Just trying. You didn’t know how to say no because no one ever taught you your worth. You weren’t wild — you were wounded. You weren’t a mess — you were surviving.

I’m sorry no one protected you. I’m sorry you had to pretend you were okay when you weren’t. I’m sorry they made you believe your voice didn’t matter.

But guess what? You made it.

I’m here now. And I’ve got you. We’re no longer performing. We’re no longer begging for scraps. We’re no longer defining our value by other people’s behavior.

You did what you had to do — and it worked. Now? We’re going to do what’s true.

I forgive you. I love you. I honor the hell out of you.

You kept going. And because of you, I get to live.

Love, Your Future Self

XOXO

What Now? Living Boldly & Loving Fully

So now what?

You’ve faced the past. You’ve named the pain. You’ve owned the mess — and the miracle.

Now it’s time to build.

Not just a healed life — a hot life. A fulfilled life. A peaceful life.

A life where your desires are sacred and your boundaries are law.

Here’s your Luxe Living Blueprint for what’s next:

• Own your truth. Shame dies in the light. The more you speak, the more you heal.

• Create daily rituals. Morning routines, movement, prayer, journaling — give yourself a rhythm that honors your growth.

• Find your healing team. Therapists. Coaches. Mentors. Support is not Cut ties with what keeps you stuck. People, environments, habits — if it doesn’t reflect your future, release it.

• Romance yourself. Stop waiting for someone else to validate you. You are your safest home and greatest love.

• Choose boldness daily. Every time you choose courage over comfort, you rewrite your story.

  
  

Remember: the goal isn’t perfection. It’s peace. AND REMEMBER PEACE OF MIND IS PRICELESS!

Final Reflection: Speak to Her Now

If your younger self was standing in front of you right now…Looking you in the eyes, waiting for answers…

What would you tell her?

Would you apologize? Would you hold her? Would you tell her she’s not crazy, she’s not unworthy, she’s not bad?

Because that girl — the one who lived through what should’ve broken her — is still in you. And she’s waiting for your permission to finally rest.

So here it is.

Rest. Breathe. Let go.

You don’t owe anyone your silence anymore. You are the author now. So, write a damn good ending.

Try these journal prompts to start your release and healing! peel back your layers and see the beauty and freedom to be your true self.

Journal Prompts for the Bold & Healing

1. What’s one secret I’ve never fully made peace with?

2. What did I use to numb myself that I now want to release?

3. What would I say to my younger self in one paragraph?

4. What does my healed self, look like, act like, and believe?

5. What support do I need to thrive, not just survive?

Your Call to Rise

You survived what was meant to break you. Now it’s time to become the woman your younger self never got to see — soft, powerful, whole, and deeply unapologetic.

Your past doesn't determine who you are.

Your growth shapes your identity.

And darling, the world is prepared for you.

—

🖤 With love,

Gina, Your Nurse. Your Coach. Your Transformation Partner.

P.S. Want a safe space to heal, rise, and be poured into by other powerful women? Come join the Luxe Tribe on Facebook — where bold healing meets bougie self-love.